一本道理不卡一二三区

I can’t be the only one who has lost track of time

During lockdown, time has become an almost abstract construct to Bryony
During lockdown, time has become an almost abstract construct to Bryony Credit: Isabelle Maroger

一本道理不卡一二三区 I knocked over a glass of water the other day. It was the kind of thing I do quite regularly and laugh off as clumsiness, but this time it sent me into a full-scale existential crisis. As I watched the cup roll on to its side and the water pour over the floor, I realised I had let out a scream. I stormed into the garden and found myself howling at a tree.

And as I howled at that tree, it occurred to me that I felt exactly as I do just before I get my period. How strange, I thought – my period had finished just the other day, so there was no way this could be PMS. What, exactly, was wrong with me? Had I finally completely lost it?

A little later, after I had calmed down and mopped up the water, I looked on my ovulation app just to check. And there, much to my surprise, I discovered I had not, actually, finished my period just the other day – in fact, my period had finished over three weeks ago. The next day it arrived, right on time, with me scratching my head as to where the previous three weeks had gone.

If I appear to not be making any sense, then let me explain: I have realised, during lockdown, that time has become an almost abstract construct. I am aware that it is there, but I am not necessarily paying any attention to it. Entire weeks seem to have flown by in the blink of an eye, while at the same time feeling interminably dull and boring. I could never have imagined these two things could both be true in tandem until lockdown – but then, I could never have imagined lockdown一本道理不卡一二三区 at all a few months ago.

一本道理不卡一二三区And speaking of a few months ago… Well, before coronavirus (BC) feels like several millennia ago, even if it was actually this year. I know it is factually true that I went skiing in February – I can even see it in my diary. It’s just that in my head, I am sure I actually went skiing in February 1996. Or perhaps even a parallel universe. It’s as if my brain is in two entirely different, but eerily similar, places at exactly the same time. And it is confused. Very, very confused.

一本道理不卡一二三区One minute I am actually enjoying lockdown and the opportunity to shut out the world, the next I am climbing the walls. Does anyone else feel this? Like they are slowly – but also, quite quickly – going completely mad, or at the very least into a sort of strange catatonic state? I suspect so.

I read the other day that most people have stopped setting alarms, those wake-up calls that we all dreaded for so long. But if only two months ago I felt imprisoned by the rigorous nature of my diary, now I yearn for the structure it gave to my days. All the things I thought to be true about myself have turned out to be completely false. I need a rigid timetable, or else I become quite stupefied, with only the monthly cycle of my body to remind me that actually, entire weeks have passed without me knowing.

I never thought I’d write this, but as recent times have proved, you should never say never. So here goes: come back, alarm clock! I miss you!

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